Forget The World of Handcrafted Fromage: French Crisps Are Absolutely Depraved.
I recently was staying in France, a place that seemed on its best behaviour. Tasteful, twinkling lights, market stalls piled high with exquisitely fresh produce, and enough cheeses capable of clogging the entire Channel Tunnel with dairy fat. Heaping dishes of shimmering crustaceans resting on ice glimpsed through fogged brasserie windows. While observing a lengthy yet well-mannered line of stylish locals retrieving their handmade yule logs, I thought, disloyally, that my place of origin, York, which becomes a modern reimagining of a tableau of excess at this time of year featuring mince-pie flavoured vapes and ready-to-drink concoctions, could learn several tips.
The Elegant Facade
However every bit of “art de vivre” affectation is just a polished mask – France falls victim equally to its lowest desires like any other place. Just go into a supermarket and you’ll see. The crisp aisle is an absolute sink of depravity, lined with the likes of *bleu d'Auvergne*, chickpea fritter, *carbonade flamande* and salted butter flavours. Who in their right mind tries chips that taste of butter? It’s like a product found at one of those midway festivals where they deep fry sticks of butter. One popular comic recently claimed they are the ultimate chip she’s ever tasted, though she has clearly been influenced by a form of regional conditioning – she grew up in Brittany.
Worldwide Anarchy
One must acknowledge the snack flavour business worldwide is as lawless and unregulated as Silicon Valley. There is a refusal to let potato be potato, embellished as it should be with just a dignified dusting of salt. Our own nation possesses a dark history with crisp flavours across Britain, particularly during the festive period. The year 2025, let us not forget, introduced festive-spiced tortilla chips and exclusive steak-and-pâté flavoured chips. Furthermore, who can erase the memory of the instance where a famous high-street chain thought “prosecco and winter berry” was an appealing flavour on a potato chip? But I thought better from the nation of culinary masters.
What next? Foie gras crisps? Profiterole? Tobacco-flavoured chips? I should stop, I’m only giving them ideas.
